i wish my penis had a tongue
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
