If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
