Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
The best revenge is premature balding
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
