pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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