What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
