Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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