What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
