Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
