get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
