thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
