A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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