Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
