How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
