Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
