I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
