I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
