Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
