If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
