this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My day in three words: secret purse cake
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
