If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
