If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
