Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
