I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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