He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
