We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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