Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
