I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
