I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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