Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
