you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
