i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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