I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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