I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
