She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
