so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
