Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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