Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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