My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
