dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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