This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
