btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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