just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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