Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
