I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Randomize
