why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
