Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
