im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
