I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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