My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
pray to the hookup gods
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
