Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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