i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
