mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
