remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
